Heaven. I want to go there - really.

Heaven. I want to go there. I teach my kids about it, I sing about it, I anticipate it. But to be honest, I'm also a little confounded by it, scared even.

Granted, my heavenly concepts are limited - and that's what I'm banking on. Because sometimes the thought of worshipping for an eternity gives me pause - and not the good kind. I get this flashback of the longest, boring-est, most agonizing church service I ever sat through and I imagine an eternity of that. Of choir robes, harps, whispered voices, singing (even though I love to sing, you can't do it 24/7 for an eternity, right?)

I don't honestly think it will be like that worst-ever church service, but the problem is that I have no idea what it will be like. And even with the promise of everlasting peace and joy, that's a little scary.

Will some of the things I enjoy now be there? Reading a book under a shady tree. Going down the slip and slide with my kids. Making a snowman. Telling bedtime stories. If not, what will take the place of those things? What will happen to the human relationships I have now? Especially my most cherished ones - with my children? God's imagination is much greater than mine - so it's probably going to be great, I just can't picture it.

I think, as humans, we're conditioned to want to work toward something, a goal, a dream, a milestone, etc. Will there be those things in eternity? How will we measure our growth - spiritual, emotional, and physical?

My Adventist ancestors would probably be rolling over in their graves if they could read this....this expression of what some may construe as doubt.

I don't doubt there's a heaven, I don't doubt I want to be there, and I don't doubt it will be different (better) than I imagine. I'm just not pretending I know all the answers or that an eternity I can't quite imagine isn't a little scary.